why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
