Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
