So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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