We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's like iHOP with fire
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
