We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
