i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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