Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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