Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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