Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
