i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
