did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize