My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You are a genius and a whore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
