Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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