Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
