apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize