I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
