do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
