I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
