I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
