dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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