So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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