whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
