wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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