she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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