Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
