if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So squirting runs in the family.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
