how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
