My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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