I'm really into asian looking animals
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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