The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
