I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
