My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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