I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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