One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
