There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
