All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
