I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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