i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
