At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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