blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
