I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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