eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
