So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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