he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize