At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
