please come you make the beer taste better
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
