I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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