never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
