You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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