Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
