At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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