i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize