is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
