i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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