we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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