I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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