His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
