i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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