So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize