It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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