OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
