just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
