Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
