My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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