I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were trust falling into bushes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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