ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize