I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
