The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
