I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
