we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
