After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize