Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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