Me too!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this just has baby written all over it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
