I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
