don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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