I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
