I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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