I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
