I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
whose parrot is this?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
