Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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