I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
