If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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