Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
