nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
