I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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