Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
