I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
