it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
