If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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