oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
