I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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